Your pretence is pardoned, Mr. Sleaze.

This is a tale of love. My friends Mr. Sleaze and Mr. Cheese. Mr Sleaze hardly believes in struggling yet he is more diligent that Cheese. Their mentor Rahul naam To Suna Hi Hoga taught them long back – Zindagi mein hum ek baar jeete hai, ek baar marte hai, mohabbat bhi hum ek hi baar karte hai. Both understood what he meant. But, both took different ways.

Mr Cheese decided to wait, for the right girl, the right moment, the right day, the right blaaah blaaaaah. Mr Sleaze was an impatient man. He decided to go hunting for his right one. So what, if it means that he has to go through a lot of wrong ones. Finding the right one is worth every effort.

Eerie struck. Both found their right girl. In the same girl. But only one could win her.

The girl they loved was Life. She loved them both. She loved hanging around with them. She gave them ample opportunities to woo her. But Cheese spoke from his heart and Sleaze spoke from his dick. None of which could sustain a good impression.

Cheese dedicated all his Facebook status messages to Life. Poems, songs, dialogues, ghazals flooded his homepage, he left no page unturned. Seeing this Sleaze made sure he leaves no turn unstoned. He partied harder. He uploaded photos with women. The strongest emotion gifted to mankind is Envy. It can make people do things they never thought they were capable of. It can flip perceptions, topple relations, manipulate reactions and most importantly it can justify misconceptions. Sleaze knew it all. He knew Cheese is too soft to handle any of it.

While Cheese kept running after Life, Sleaze made sure Life runs after him. May be Cheese loved and respected life more, but Sleaze definitely knew what women want. He knew, a perfect guy for women would be a guy who can fit into 10 of the 15 points on their checklist. Will he keep me happy? Can he adjust with my family? Is he handsome? Does he earn enough? Sleaze had slept with enough women to know that he was sleeping with a set of very carefully calculated venal choices.

Cheese offered affections to Life, and Sleaze offered everything else. The battle began. Pompous v/s Substance. Polish v/s Principles. Looks v/s Soul. Heart v/s Mind.

Sleaze won the battle. Cheese was heartbroken. His gestures could not overshadow an impressive list of credentials that Sleaze had. Life was not fair to him. Life didn’t give him what he deserved.

Sleaze won the conquest. He was happy and his pride and arrogance knew no bounds. Poor thing was unaware that Life isn’t about one conquest. Life posed a battle every day. Sleaze was up for the task.

Monday – A bunch of red roses
Tuesday – Candlelight dinner
Wednesday – movie followed by a long drive
Thursday – no phone calls to be entertained
Friday – cook dinner
Saturday – Discotheque. No friends invited
Sunday – all of the above

Sleaze was a different man now. He was no more a rockstar. He made all the sacrifices. He changed himself. He bid farewell to friends, rocking life, Facebook, Blackberry, etc. He did everything possible to keep Life happy. And he did. Life was happy with him. Sleaze fitted into all the 15 points on her checklist. He was what Life made him.

Eerie struck once again. Life broke up with Sleaze.

Reason – Sleaze had changed as human being. She loved a different Sleaze. Today Sleaze no longer interested her. Sleaze wasn’t fun or rocking anymore. Today Sleaze had turned like his old friend Cheese. There was no difference between them.

Sleaze was heartbroken. Sleaze thought he knew it all. Sleaze thought he knew what women want. Sad and dejected he entered the pub. He saw his old friend Cheese dancing with women all over him. He tried to speak to him but Cheese didn’t recognise him. He was a different guy. He was an extrovert. He was a rockstar. Most importantly he had Life. Sleaze smiled and left the pub.

You can never know what women want. Life teaches you lessons everyday and the day you feel you’ve learnt it all. Life turns out to be a bitch. And then you die.