LSD – Tu nangi achi lagti hai!!!

Although this line had been changed to “Tu gandi achchi ...” I feel this line speaks volumes about this Dibakar Banerjee masterpiece. No masala, no SFX, no celebrity, it’s as real as reality. Opening sequence gives a you a feel of the ads shown on the local cable channel. Irrespective of what the product is it always starts with “Aa gaya aa gaya aaya.....”. You can’t help but smile at that scene.

Love: A story about Rahul – An Aditya Chopra paedophile film maker, who is planning to shoot his diploma film. During the auditions, he meets Shruti and falls in love. What differentiates their love story from any other Raj-Simran or Rahul-Anjali story is the execution. The entire film is shot from Rahul’s camera’s perspective. The unconventional angles and the non-celebrity faces make you feel as if you are watching you friend’s story. But what’s really stunning is the climax. The Chopras and the Johars of the world could never have imagined it. As the story flows, you do predict the climax, but not even your worst fears can match the brutality with which it ends. As the great writer/pathetic director says – “Some love stories have blood written over them”

Sex: A prequel to Chanda’s character in Anurag Kashyap’s DevD, this story is about Rashmi and Adarsh. Their story takes place in a 24X7 departmental store. Adarsh is in need of money and that’s when his friend suggests him to make an MMS clip. Rashmi was of course the scapegoat. It’s during this story that you also realise that Shruti is a friend of Rashmi. This of course wouldn’t have been possible if there were celebrities involved. The super hyped 7 minute long sex scene was cut down to 20 seconds but tells the story. A few voyeurs got disappointed, but I’m sure DB’s intention wasn’t to satisfy porn lovers. Overall this plot achieves its aim in showcasing the efforts that goes into making an MMS clip.

Dhoka: With Tehelka creating such hype, how could it not catch the interest of DB. A story about Prabhat a sting operator who has become a laughing stock for his colleagues since the time he failed to deliver Miss Meerut’s scandalous footage. To redeem his position in his company he tags along with Naina (typical shit-headed model) to unveil the truth of Loki Local a Punjabi pop star. Entire film has been shot through spy cameras and it feels like you are actually seeing a sting operation. The scene where Prabhat falls off a bridge is absolutely outstanding. This story is bound to sting you as any India TV footage does. The last shot of the film brings together the central characters of all the 3 stories.

In a time when Reality TV and India TV were gaining TRPs it was just a matter of time when someone explores voyeurism on celluloid. Thank God it was Dibakar Banerjee.

Yes this is not the first of its kind. We can’t forget the likes of The Blair Witch Project, Cloverfield and Paranormal Activity. But LSD is as Desi as it can get. Taking the 3 topics that target everyone, DB has weaved it into a masterpiece. But it wouldn’t have been possible without the extremely talented cinematographer Nikos Andritsakis. His sense of camera angles is perfect.

Urmi Juvekar along with Dibakar has written an amazing screenplay. Their work is definitely a case study. And of course how can one forget the music of the film. Sneha Khanwalker produces an absolute brilliance. DB’s lyrics along with Kailash Kher’s voice sets the tone perfect for such a film. When was the last time you justified voyeurism by saying things like “Jo kehte hai yeh qufr-khata, qafir kya hain unko kya pata”. Simply brilliant.

For an aspiring film maker like me I am simply blown away by this effort. I would like to thank Dibakar Banerjee for taking Indian Cinema to that stratospheric level where Gurudutt had left. Also, I would like to forgive Ekta Kapoor for spoiling my Mom and for launching Tushar Kapoor.

There’s a thing about dreams

It’s unreal. It’s what you want to achieve but something others can never help you achieve.

As a kid it changed a lot. I remember me being the Coolie of Deewar, the Cop of Mohra, the shirtless dancer of PKTDK, the pilot of Independence Day and of course the guy wearing the blue jersey. Somehow the one character that jostled my mind for years, never showed his face. I wanted to be the guy who makes heroes, who makes stories immortal, who makes us wish, we live in his vision.
I wanted to be a director.

As I grew, I met more and more people who left no page unturned in discouraging me. Various philosophies which included, money problems, middle-class restrictions, responsibilities etc., were taught to me. I somehow battled their preaching and entered a film school.

But there was one facet I realised later, if your team-mate doesn’t share a similar dream, together you can never succeed. In other words your dream shall remain a dream.

When one sees a dream he’s passionate about it and can go to any extent to turn it real. But that’s him. Not necessary his counterparts will feel the same passion. Hence work gets delayed, unnecessary problems intervene, essence of the project gets corrupted and frustration & B.P. increases. At such times, you either sharpen the virtue of patience or you master the art of compromising. Under such circumstances who do you choose. Friends - who've always been with you, or dreams - the reason you live.

There’s a thing about dreams. It’s personal, it’s your vision. No one else can see it, nor understand it.

There is a thing about dreams. It’s not a team player.

Dear brother Cupid

I hope this letter finds you in the pink of health, afterall, pink is the colour of love. Blush! Blush!

I believe you belong to the age when the Trojan War was fought over a woman (wink wink), but I prefer calling you brother, because you are the only guy (apart from Shahid Afridi) who doesn’t seem to grow in age and skills.

What the FAQ - Do you have a lifetime contract with my dear friend Old Monk and my one time best friend the Royal Stag?

Aaaaah! Now I know, it had to be you, else how would they have so many lovers (12,146 to be precise. Source – Facebook). That’s not all, even the likes of Yash Copra & James Cameroon benefited. Thousands died when a ship sank but people only remembered the hero drowning. Such is the Cupid effect.

Anyways, the reason why I’m writing to you today is because I feel you archery skills are ruining a lot of lives. Recently I have witnessed a lot of mishaps which vary from an art director writing ghazals to a copywriter painting shoes. Your arrows didn’t even spare Bhola – my fitness trainer. Poor thing got so frustrated that he burnt his supporter yesterday. Not just them, you remember the Kareena look-alike classmate of mine. She wasn’t the girl you were supposed to aim at. But thanks to your incompetent skills I met Old Monk.

But to be very honest I have always envied you. If I had the power you possess I would have brought world peace. Literally. Come on, all you had to do was to get Sarah Palin to entice Saddam and Benazir Bhutto to seduce Rajiv Gandhi or may be Bal Thackeray (wow, she’s got options, lucky woman, sigh!!!).
That’s not all, your designation is as stubborn as in government offices (never changes). You can never get fired despite the number of hearts you break, the suicide attempts (most succeed), the overcrowded bars and the ill-fated love stories.

I would like to conclude by giving you an advice – It's recession time and every one is looking out for cheaper replacements. Pull up your socks or get a pair of specs, else the persona of Shah Rukh Khan will definitely precede you.