Kabhi saral to kabhi zindagi ka rukh badalta hai faisla
Kayarta ka ehsaas karaye to kabhi har mushkil
Fanaa kar deta hai faisla
Abba ka bharosa ho ya mehboob ki baahein
Sapno ke har kaleen ko jalata hai faisla
Phir khud hi ro padhta hai aur
Dil se dilasa maangta hai faisla
Zidd ke neev par khada
To kabhi sar ko jhukata hai faisla
Apno ko durr karta
To kabhi gunaaho ka ikraar karta faisla
Garv se sar ooncha karwata
To kabhi sheeshe se nafrat karwata hai faisla
Khushi ke pal ke liye hi nahin
Aansuon ke liye bhi zimmedar hai faisla
Maa ki aanchal se lekar maut ki aagosh tak
Har kadam par hisaab leta hai faisla
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Non-sexual misadventures of a porn-lover.
Long back I heard a quote written by the great Harivansh Rai Bachchan. He said “Mandir Masjid bair karaye, mel karaye Madhushala”. If only he lived in our times when pornography is no longer restricted to books, he would realise, boys unite much before they start drinking. As any other kid my journey with porn started way back and since then I faced a few memorable misadventures as well.
8th standard – Jamshedpur
My parents had left for Kolkata and I was alone in the house. Just after my school got over I invited a couple of my dear friends to watch porn at my place. Little did I know that my friends had feminine stomachs. I opened the door and saw some 28 guys standing at my doorstep. Never knew there were that many guys in my class. Before I could insert the CD I warned them that I stay in an apartment where walls have ears and the neighbours have long tongues. But I’m sure they didn’t listen, because as soon as I hit the play button they screamed so loudly (louder than what the stadium screamed when India def. Pakistan to win the World T20) that 4 of my neighbours came to check. What followed was – a blocked drain, a slippery bathroom and a never to return kaam waali bai. Such was the experience that I found a lot many new friends and a few trying-to-act-smart teachers.
11th standard Pune
It was my 4th month in Pune and I had already made some good friends. One of my good friends Atul invited a few of us to his place to play cards. We reached his house on time and started playing. A shrill voice from the background asked a ravenous question “Pondy dekhna hai kya”.
Cut to 5 seconds later
6 of us sitting in front of the huge television set waiting for the movie to begin. And then it began. Watching God’s masterpiece in exactly the way he designed, was a treat. 10 minutes in the movie and we heard a voice “Khana kha liya aap logo ne”. Our hearts skipped a beat. Atul’s mom had returned. We pounced on the remote to stop it. Alas! Technology sucks. Bad luck sucks. Porn sucks. (We all know the last isn’t true). We failed to stop the movie, instead we paused it. She came to us, had a good look at the television set and left. I don’t know what her expressions were because I didn’t have the guts to look up.
Cut to 3 seconds later
We were running on the streets, much faster than SRK in any of the KJo flicks.
That episode marked the beginning of our friendship. Can’t say the same for his mom though.
12th standard, Jamshedpur
My board exams were just a month away and I was in Jamshedpur for my study leave. Those days we didn’t have to rent porn, our cable operator was really helpful. Anytime between 9 PM to 11 PM we got a call that confirmed the time and the name of the movie. We insisted on the names because that helped us survive the prolonged wait.
My phone rang at 10:30 PM. “Ek baje Witches of Brooklyn” the voice on the other side said and disconnected. I just couldn’t wait for my parents to sleep. Adrenaline gushed through my veins. I prefer not to be precise as to which ones. The clock struck 1 and I switched on my television. The movie had just started. I was enjoying the movie when a hand patted my shoulder. It scared the shit out of me and I threw the remote. The last time my dad saw me like that was before I entered school. I am sure he never wished to see me in that state either.
Next day cable connection was cut, phone was shifted from my room and of course my dad started asking me questions pertaining to my subjects, which by the way never happened since the time I entered school.
Porn has also been a saviour for me on various occasions. For example during my 1st year ragging I was treated well because my seniors knew I had a good collection of porn. I wasn’t sacked from my 1st job (call-centre) in spite of the fact that I called an American chutiya over the phone, because my boss was aware of my collection.
But none of my misadventures can match my friend who made the worst decision ever. He wanted to make love to his girlfriend after watching porn. If only he knew that he wasn’t as gifted as American porn-stars, he would have saved himself the embarrassment.
Quote quote ke maaro – Men who are united by porn can never be divided by caste.
8th standard – Jamshedpur
My parents had left for Kolkata and I was alone in the house. Just after my school got over I invited a couple of my dear friends to watch porn at my place. Little did I know that my friends had feminine stomachs. I opened the door and saw some 28 guys standing at my doorstep. Never knew there were that many guys in my class. Before I could insert the CD I warned them that I stay in an apartment where walls have ears and the neighbours have long tongues. But I’m sure they didn’t listen, because as soon as I hit the play button they screamed so loudly (louder than what the stadium screamed when India def. Pakistan to win the World T20) that 4 of my neighbours came to check. What followed was – a blocked drain, a slippery bathroom and a never to return kaam waali bai. Such was the experience that I found a lot many new friends and a few trying-to-act-smart teachers.
11th standard Pune
It was my 4th month in Pune and I had already made some good friends. One of my good friends Atul invited a few of us to his place to play cards. We reached his house on time and started playing. A shrill voice from the background asked a ravenous question “Pondy dekhna hai kya”.
Cut to 5 seconds later
6 of us sitting in front of the huge television set waiting for the movie to begin. And then it began. Watching God’s masterpiece in exactly the way he designed, was a treat. 10 minutes in the movie and we heard a voice “Khana kha liya aap logo ne”. Our hearts skipped a beat. Atul’s mom had returned. We pounced on the remote to stop it. Alas! Technology sucks. Bad luck sucks. Porn sucks. (We all know the last isn’t true). We failed to stop the movie, instead we paused it. She came to us, had a good look at the television set and left. I don’t know what her expressions were because I didn’t have the guts to look up.
Cut to 3 seconds later
We were running on the streets, much faster than SRK in any of the KJo flicks.
That episode marked the beginning of our friendship. Can’t say the same for his mom though.
12th standard, Jamshedpur
My board exams were just a month away and I was in Jamshedpur for my study leave. Those days we didn’t have to rent porn, our cable operator was really helpful. Anytime between 9 PM to 11 PM we got a call that confirmed the time and the name of the movie. We insisted on the names because that helped us survive the prolonged wait.
My phone rang at 10:30 PM. “Ek baje Witches of Brooklyn” the voice on the other side said and disconnected. I just couldn’t wait for my parents to sleep. Adrenaline gushed through my veins. I prefer not to be precise as to which ones. The clock struck 1 and I switched on my television. The movie had just started. I was enjoying the movie when a hand patted my shoulder. It scared the shit out of me and I threw the remote. The last time my dad saw me like that was before I entered school. I am sure he never wished to see me in that state either.
Next day cable connection was cut, phone was shifted from my room and of course my dad started asking me questions pertaining to my subjects, which by the way never happened since the time I entered school.
Porn has also been a saviour for me on various occasions. For example during my 1st year ragging I was treated well because my seniors knew I had a good collection of porn. I wasn’t sacked from my 1st job (call-centre) in spite of the fact that I called an American chutiya over the phone, because my boss was aware of my collection.
But none of my misadventures can match my friend who made the worst decision ever. He wanted to make love to his girlfriend after watching porn. If only he knew that he wasn’t as gifted as American porn-stars, he would have saved himself the embarrassment.
Quote quote ke maaro – Men who are united by porn can never be divided by caste.
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