They say "there are 2 kinds of men in this world – Good & Bad".
Both want the same thing from a woman, difference is in the way they approach. Bad people are more straightforward, and express their feelings blatantly, while good people fox their way into a woman’s heart. So who should you be more scared of?
A lot of men are termed as flirts/Casanova. Seriously, does a woman really know what the terms mean? I doubt. Even if they did, they forget to ask 1 question. Where did they learn their skills?
Koi apne maa ki kokh se seekh ke nahin aata. It’s the circumstances they face that turn them into one. One heart-break or a major betrayal leads them to believe they are losers in life. Some time in their life their confidence must have been crushed under the feet of the one they loved. Everyone has the right to redeem. Yes the likes of Devdas didn’t really seek to win. But, we aren’t figments of a writer’s imagination. There’s just one way we can regain confidence – Win the battle you lost. And win them again and again.
In the process you curb a lot of emotions; you make a lot of enemies, the worst one being yourself.
Once, a girl told me that having sex won’t solve my distress, nor would relieve me of the psychological suffering. But then again there was just one way to find out. Hate to say, she was right.
Worst phase in life arrives when you don’t want to win any more battles. You have regained your confidence and you want to fall in love once again. Sadly your reputation precedes you. You are known to be a heartless practical bastard who doesn’t give a fuck about emotions. I don’t know what’s practical, all I can say is I’m honest.
I can’t love your dog, I can’t look at the moon and write a poem, I can’t listen to your best-friend’s sob story. Yes I am selfish and all I want to listen to is you and us. But, the world knows I am a flirt, so she knows that I am a flirt.
And then there are friends who are so madly in love that they feel that pre-marital sex is a sin.
Fact – Sex is the only time when you look into your partner’s eyes and forget the rest of the world. The best candle-light dinner or the best long drive cannot match half the passion you display while you make love. By the way I heard love is all about passion. I hope I’m right about that.
They tell me I have never loved before. Reason – I am a happy man. According to them after a break-up one cannot fall in love again, or one cannot forget the person. Well, it’s good to know that I am not the biggest loser in the world. Only the weak hold on to things, the brave will let it go. Of all the people who marry only 20% marry the people they love. Does that mean the remaining 80% are sinners. No they are simply more matured. They have a better control on their lives.
IF YOU CAN’T CONTROL YOUR LIVES, THEN STOP LIVING IT.
Of course I can always be the good boy who writes poems, who takes your dog for a walk, who stands on a peak and shouts out your name. I can do all that, but that’s not me. So who did you exactly fall in love with? More importantly who’s being selfish?
I don’t know if I’m good or bad, all I can say is that no one in this world is perfect. And, only the perfect can point out the imperfections in someone.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sir Yes Sir!!!
No, this post has nothing to do with any uniform-wearing guy. Instead, it’s the plight of a copywriter. Earlier I used to make an opinion about every ad I viewed and the creative team responsible for it. But now I know that it takes the following steps to make an ad
1. We get a brief (idiotic assumptions written on a piece of paper by a few self-proclaimed stalwarts)
2. Figure out the Target Audience – Mostly “Customers”
3. Fight for your own Deadline
4. Brainstorm
5. Play Foosball/T.T./ C.O.D. / U.T./ Pool
6. Brainstorm
7. Cigarette break (Jargons like Chutiya Servicing and fuck-all brief forms a major part of the conversation)
8. Late nights – Old Monk – Dustbins filled with cigarette-butts – 50 status updates
9. Finally a campaign
10. Review - A process where people from Planning and Servicing try to rip your idea or try to suggest irrelevant inputs. Of course they back it up with their MBA degree. Thanks to MBA, else how would anyone know that the blue coloured layout needs to be a shade lighter or the headline can be crisper.
11. Presentation – Client masturbates.
12. Gear up for Round 2
PHEW!!!
During this process the creative team hardly gets to see his family. Afterall we are on a mission. We leave house on time and we return after a couple of days. During this time one might have temporary memory loss. You wouldn’t remember what you did on the weekend, or the fun you had with your friends last night. Because if you try remembering backwards, all you’ll remember is office and colleagues. There might be an andhi-mother, desperate biwi, nange kids waiting at home looking at the door-bell, anxiously. Alas! Suddenly the phone rings and they get the sad news. Their son/husband/father won’t return home. BECAUSE WE ARE MAKING ADS.
One more thing about our jobs Never Say NO. Or be ready to face one of the following one-liners:
1. It’s your call
2. Don’t kill yourself, just finish this work asap
3. Tu nahin karega to mai kar lunga, par soch le tera folio kaise banega
4. When I was your age, I was hungry for work
Blaaaaaaaah! Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Our plight has been shown in various films like:
Lakshya – Hrithik returns home for vacations. As soon as he hugs his mom his phone rings and he has to go back to office.
The song “sandheshe aate hai, humey tadpatey hai” is relevant to us when we read others’ status messages which tell us about their rocking lives. To make it worse they upload their photos as well.
Like army-men we sacrifice our families, friends and our lives for our jobs (of course we don’t really die, par yeh jeena bhi koi jeena hai). Although we don’t get half as much recognition. Yet all we do is crib. No one takes a step. No one raises a voice.
But I will. I don’t care about the money. I don’t care about the job. I don’t care about my future. I don’t care about the perks I get. The gifts......err..... that reminds me I need to buy a gift for someone. Damm!! Ok fine, once I buy the gift I shall raise my voice.
Advertising has these people chasing cars and clothes they don't need. Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don't really need. ~Chuck Palahniuk
1. We get a brief (idiotic assumptions written on a piece of paper by a few self-proclaimed stalwarts)
2. Figure out the Target Audience – Mostly “Customers”
3. Fight for your own Deadline
4. Brainstorm
5. Play Foosball/T.T./ C.O.D. / U.T./ Pool
6. Brainstorm
7. Cigarette break (Jargons like Chutiya Servicing and fuck-all brief forms a major part of the conversation)
8. Late nights – Old Monk – Dustbins filled with cigarette-butts – 50 status updates
9. Finally a campaign
10. Review - A process where people from Planning and Servicing try to rip your idea or try to suggest irrelevant inputs. Of course they back it up with their MBA degree. Thanks to MBA, else how would anyone know that the blue coloured layout needs to be a shade lighter or the headline can be crisper.
11. Presentation – Client masturbates.
12. Gear up for Round 2
PHEW!!!
During this process the creative team hardly gets to see his family. Afterall we are on a mission. We leave house on time and we return after a couple of days. During this time one might have temporary memory loss. You wouldn’t remember what you did on the weekend, or the fun you had with your friends last night. Because if you try remembering backwards, all you’ll remember is office and colleagues. There might be an andhi-mother, desperate biwi, nange kids waiting at home looking at the door-bell, anxiously. Alas! Suddenly the phone rings and they get the sad news. Their son/husband/father won’t return home. BECAUSE WE ARE MAKING ADS.
One more thing about our jobs Never Say NO. Or be ready to face one of the following one-liners:
1. It’s your call
2. Don’t kill yourself, just finish this work asap
3. Tu nahin karega to mai kar lunga, par soch le tera folio kaise banega
4. When I was your age, I was hungry for work
Blaaaaaaaah! Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Our plight has been shown in various films like:
Lakshya – Hrithik returns home for vacations. As soon as he hugs his mom his phone rings and he has to go back to office.
The song “sandheshe aate hai, humey tadpatey hai” is relevant to us when we read others’ status messages which tell us about their rocking lives. To make it worse they upload their photos as well.
Like army-men we sacrifice our families, friends and our lives for our jobs (of course we don’t really die, par yeh jeena bhi koi jeena hai). Although we don’t get half as much recognition. Yet all we do is crib. No one takes a step. No one raises a voice.
But I will. I don’t care about the money. I don’t care about the job. I don’t care about my future. I don’t care about the perks I get. The gifts......err..... that reminds me I need to buy a gift for someone. Damm!! Ok fine, once I buy the gift I shall raise my voice.
Advertising has these people chasing cars and clothes they don't need. Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don't really need. ~Chuck Palahniuk
Friday, May 21, 2010
No Stags Allowed
(No actual animals are being insulted here)
Ek ladka tha deewana sa
Do chaar ladkiyon pe woh marta tha
Nazre jhuka kar, zubaan par taala laga kar
Unka number dial kiya karta tha
Jab bhi milta tha mujhse
Mujhse poocha karta tha
Yeh disc mein entry kyun nahin milti
Inn discs mein entry kyun nahin milti
Aur mai sirf yehi keh paata tha……..
No songs followed, although he was a good singer. My dear friend - Stag. He studied in a co-ed school and then moved into a creative profession, yet no girlfriends, is a commendable record. No, he definitely wasn’t an introvert. In fact his outrageously bold sense of humor can put the stalwarts of extrovert to shame.
There are 10 steps to woo a girl. Step 1 to 9 helps in charming the woman and the 10th step is where you express your love – an excerpt from Joy’s Touching Tales of Wooing Days. Stag climbed the 9 steps at a fantastic speed, but somehow the 10th step was too high for him. He sang but not the correct songs. He danced, but not to the correct tune. He played, but not the right game.
But he wasn’t a loser. I am saying not because he’s a friend, but because a lot of women approached him in various ways. But Stag didn’t give in to their seduction. Aferall he had the ego of a first-timer which didn’t succumb to the lurid enigma.
One day a ray of light entered his dark world and my friend Stag was no more. He had found himself a doe. He had broken all shackles. After 27 years finally he got the pass to enter a discotheque.
It was a beautiful evening when a few of us went to a dance party. Stag hit the floor with his doe. Men, women, and all the other animals were awe-struck. Initially the absorbed it with a pinch of salt, but their chemistry changed everyone’s perception. And then..........it happened......
When you are used to a certain thing for 27 years, it’s tough to forgo it. Stag wasn’t used to dancing with a woman. After a few moves he moved towards a man, who reciprocated and moved towards Stag and eventually stag’s moves moved a lot of eyelids. But his doe wasn’t moved with this movement of emotion.
Stag was ashamed of himself, he decided to change. To get rid of his compatibility with men, he decided to spend more time with women. Now as I said earlier, Stag performed exceptionally well in climbing steps 1 to 9. It was the 10th step where he faltered. Now things had changed. He was the rage on the 10th step. His wooing capabilities, gave the proudest Casanova a run for his money. He became the talk of the farm. Hundreds of friend requests on Facebook, tagged in photos in over 1000 profiles. Stag had undone his past.
But in the process he distanced his doe. She couldn’t take it anymore. She let him go. Stag was shattered. He tried to explain his innocence. But Facebook spoke volumes of his innocence. Now, stag was alone once again. The 10th step again distanced itself. Stag was regaining his virginity. He tried to come out of it, he tried to woo several women, but his confidence gave way to frustration and desperation.
It had become too much for Stag to handle. He started dinking a lot. He befriended the Old Monk. He imprisoned himself within his house. He read Sidney Sheldon and listened to Altaf Raja all day. This was when I stepped in. I told him to go out and drink rather than being a lonesome 9th step-pro. It was tough to help him redeem but one day the procrastination ended. He broke all inhibitions and went out to have a drink.
He remembered his favourite place, where he and deer and spent momentous occasions. To revive those moments he went there. The watchman, the bouncer, everyone knew him. But, just as he was about to enter, the watchman stopped him and showed the signboard which read
NO STAGS ALLOWED
Ek ladka tha deewana sa
Do chaar ladkiyon pe woh marta tha
Nazre jhuka kar, zubaan par taala laga kar
Unka number dial kiya karta tha
Jab bhi milta tha mujhse
Mujhse poocha karta tha
Yeh disc mein entry kyun nahin milti
Inn discs mein entry kyun nahin milti
Aur mai sirf yehi keh paata tha……..
No songs followed, although he was a good singer. My dear friend - Stag. He studied in a co-ed school and then moved into a creative profession, yet no girlfriends, is a commendable record. No, he definitely wasn’t an introvert. In fact his outrageously bold sense of humor can put the stalwarts of extrovert to shame.
There are 10 steps to woo a girl. Step 1 to 9 helps in charming the woman and the 10th step is where you express your love – an excerpt from Joy’s Touching Tales of Wooing Days. Stag climbed the 9 steps at a fantastic speed, but somehow the 10th step was too high for him. He sang but not the correct songs. He danced, but not to the correct tune. He played, but not the right game.
But he wasn’t a loser. I am saying not because he’s a friend, but because a lot of women approached him in various ways. But Stag didn’t give in to their seduction. Aferall he had the ego of a first-timer which didn’t succumb to the lurid enigma.
One day a ray of light entered his dark world and my friend Stag was no more. He had found himself a doe. He had broken all shackles. After 27 years finally he got the pass to enter a discotheque.
It was a beautiful evening when a few of us went to a dance party. Stag hit the floor with his doe. Men, women, and all the other animals were awe-struck. Initially the absorbed it with a pinch of salt, but their chemistry changed everyone’s perception. And then..........it happened......
When you are used to a certain thing for 27 years, it’s tough to forgo it. Stag wasn’t used to dancing with a woman. After a few moves he moved towards a man, who reciprocated and moved towards Stag and eventually stag’s moves moved a lot of eyelids. But his doe wasn’t moved with this movement of emotion.
Stag was ashamed of himself, he decided to change. To get rid of his compatibility with men, he decided to spend more time with women. Now as I said earlier, Stag performed exceptionally well in climbing steps 1 to 9. It was the 10th step where he faltered. Now things had changed. He was the rage on the 10th step. His wooing capabilities, gave the proudest Casanova a run for his money. He became the talk of the farm. Hundreds of friend requests on Facebook, tagged in photos in over 1000 profiles. Stag had undone his past.
But in the process he distanced his doe. She couldn’t take it anymore. She let him go. Stag was shattered. He tried to explain his innocence. But Facebook spoke volumes of his innocence. Now, stag was alone once again. The 10th step again distanced itself. Stag was regaining his virginity. He tried to come out of it, he tried to woo several women, but his confidence gave way to frustration and desperation.
It had become too much for Stag to handle. He started dinking a lot. He befriended the Old Monk. He imprisoned himself within his house. He read Sidney Sheldon and listened to Altaf Raja all day. This was when I stepped in. I told him to go out and drink rather than being a lonesome 9th step-pro. It was tough to help him redeem but one day the procrastination ended. He broke all inhibitions and went out to have a drink.
He remembered his favourite place, where he and deer and spent momentous occasions. To revive those moments he went there. The watchman, the bouncer, everyone knew him. But, just as he was about to enter, the watchman stopped him and showed the signboard which read
NO STAGS ALLOWED
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Wash Away
This TVC was made for 48 hour Youtube Canneslions. The idea was to showcase in a simple way that waterborne diseases can by removed by water.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Faisla
Kabhi saral to kabhi zindagi ka rukh badalta hai faisla
Kayarta ka ehsaas karaye to kabhi har mushkil
Fanaa kar deta hai faisla
Abba ka bharosa ho ya mehboob ki baahein
Sapno ke har kaleen ko jalata hai faisla
Phir khud hi ro padhta hai aur
Dil se dilasa maangta hai faisla
Zidd ke neev par khada
To kabhi sar ko jhukata hai faisla
Apno ko durr karta
To kabhi gunaaho ka ikraar karta faisla
Garv se sar ooncha karwata
To kabhi sheeshe se nafrat karwata hai faisla
Khushi ke pal ke liye hi nahin
Aansuon ke liye bhi zimmedar hai faisla
Maa ki aanchal se lekar maut ki aagosh tak
Har kadam par hisaab leta hai faisla
Kayarta ka ehsaas karaye to kabhi har mushkil
Fanaa kar deta hai faisla
Abba ka bharosa ho ya mehboob ki baahein
Sapno ke har kaleen ko jalata hai faisla
Phir khud hi ro padhta hai aur
Dil se dilasa maangta hai faisla
Zidd ke neev par khada
To kabhi sar ko jhukata hai faisla
Apno ko durr karta
To kabhi gunaaho ka ikraar karta faisla
Garv se sar ooncha karwata
To kabhi sheeshe se nafrat karwata hai faisla
Khushi ke pal ke liye hi nahin
Aansuon ke liye bhi zimmedar hai faisla
Maa ki aanchal se lekar maut ki aagosh tak
Har kadam par hisaab leta hai faisla
Monday, April 5, 2010
Non-sexual misadventures of a porn-lover.
Long back I heard a quote written by the great Harivansh Rai Bachchan. He said “Mandir Masjid bair karaye, mel karaye Madhushala”. If only he lived in our times when pornography is no longer restricted to books, he would realise, boys unite much before they start drinking. As any other kid my journey with porn started way back and since then I faced a few memorable misadventures as well.
8th standard – Jamshedpur
My parents had left for Kolkata and I was alone in the house. Just after my school got over I invited a couple of my dear friends to watch porn at my place. Little did I know that my friends had feminine stomachs. I opened the door and saw some 28 guys standing at my doorstep. Never knew there were that many guys in my class. Before I could insert the CD I warned them that I stay in an apartment where walls have ears and the neighbours have long tongues. But I’m sure they didn’t listen, because as soon as I hit the play button they screamed so loudly (louder than what the stadium screamed when India def. Pakistan to win the World T20) that 4 of my neighbours came to check. What followed was – a blocked drain, a slippery bathroom and a never to return kaam waali bai. Such was the experience that I found a lot many new friends and a few trying-to-act-smart teachers.
11th standard Pune
It was my 4th month in Pune and I had already made some good friends. One of my good friends Atul invited a few of us to his place to play cards. We reached his house on time and started playing. A shrill voice from the background asked a ravenous question “Pondy dekhna hai kya”.
Cut to 5 seconds later
6 of us sitting in front of the huge television set waiting for the movie to begin. And then it began. Watching God’s masterpiece in exactly the way he designed, was a treat. 10 minutes in the movie and we heard a voice “Khana kha liya aap logo ne”. Our hearts skipped a beat. Atul’s mom had returned. We pounced on the remote to stop it. Alas! Technology sucks. Bad luck sucks. Porn sucks. (We all know the last isn’t true). We failed to stop the movie, instead we paused it. She came to us, had a good look at the television set and left. I don’t know what her expressions were because I didn’t have the guts to look up.
Cut to 3 seconds later
We were running on the streets, much faster than SRK in any of the KJo flicks.
That episode marked the beginning of our friendship. Can’t say the same for his mom though.
12th standard, Jamshedpur
My board exams were just a month away and I was in Jamshedpur for my study leave. Those days we didn’t have to rent porn, our cable operator was really helpful. Anytime between 9 PM to 11 PM we got a call that confirmed the time and the name of the movie. We insisted on the names because that helped us survive the prolonged wait.
My phone rang at 10:30 PM. “Ek baje Witches of Brooklyn” the voice on the other side said and disconnected. I just couldn’t wait for my parents to sleep. Adrenaline gushed through my veins. I prefer not to be precise as to which ones. The clock struck 1 and I switched on my television. The movie had just started. I was enjoying the movie when a hand patted my shoulder. It scared the shit out of me and I threw the remote. The last time my dad saw me like that was before I entered school. I am sure he never wished to see me in that state either.
Next day cable connection was cut, phone was shifted from my room and of course my dad started asking me questions pertaining to my subjects, which by the way never happened since the time I entered school.
Porn has also been a saviour for me on various occasions. For example during my 1st year ragging I was treated well because my seniors knew I had a good collection of porn. I wasn’t sacked from my 1st job (call-centre) in spite of the fact that I called an American chutiya over the phone, because my boss was aware of my collection.
But none of my misadventures can match my friend who made the worst decision ever. He wanted to make love to his girlfriend after watching porn. If only he knew that he wasn’t as gifted as American porn-stars, he would have saved himself the embarrassment.
Quote quote ke maaro – Men who are united by porn can never be divided by caste.
8th standard – Jamshedpur
My parents had left for Kolkata and I was alone in the house. Just after my school got over I invited a couple of my dear friends to watch porn at my place. Little did I know that my friends had feminine stomachs. I opened the door and saw some 28 guys standing at my doorstep. Never knew there were that many guys in my class. Before I could insert the CD I warned them that I stay in an apartment where walls have ears and the neighbours have long tongues. But I’m sure they didn’t listen, because as soon as I hit the play button they screamed so loudly (louder than what the stadium screamed when India def. Pakistan to win the World T20) that 4 of my neighbours came to check. What followed was – a blocked drain, a slippery bathroom and a never to return kaam waali bai. Such was the experience that I found a lot many new friends and a few trying-to-act-smart teachers.
11th standard Pune
It was my 4th month in Pune and I had already made some good friends. One of my good friends Atul invited a few of us to his place to play cards. We reached his house on time and started playing. A shrill voice from the background asked a ravenous question “Pondy dekhna hai kya”.
Cut to 5 seconds later
6 of us sitting in front of the huge television set waiting for the movie to begin. And then it began. Watching God’s masterpiece in exactly the way he designed, was a treat. 10 minutes in the movie and we heard a voice “Khana kha liya aap logo ne”. Our hearts skipped a beat. Atul’s mom had returned. We pounced on the remote to stop it. Alas! Technology sucks. Bad luck sucks. Porn sucks. (We all know the last isn’t true). We failed to stop the movie, instead we paused it. She came to us, had a good look at the television set and left. I don’t know what her expressions were because I didn’t have the guts to look up.
Cut to 3 seconds later
We were running on the streets, much faster than SRK in any of the KJo flicks.
That episode marked the beginning of our friendship. Can’t say the same for his mom though.
12th standard, Jamshedpur
My board exams were just a month away and I was in Jamshedpur for my study leave. Those days we didn’t have to rent porn, our cable operator was really helpful. Anytime between 9 PM to 11 PM we got a call that confirmed the time and the name of the movie. We insisted on the names because that helped us survive the prolonged wait.
My phone rang at 10:30 PM. “Ek baje Witches of Brooklyn” the voice on the other side said and disconnected. I just couldn’t wait for my parents to sleep. Adrenaline gushed through my veins. I prefer not to be precise as to which ones. The clock struck 1 and I switched on my television. The movie had just started. I was enjoying the movie when a hand patted my shoulder. It scared the shit out of me and I threw the remote. The last time my dad saw me like that was before I entered school. I am sure he never wished to see me in that state either.
Next day cable connection was cut, phone was shifted from my room and of course my dad started asking me questions pertaining to my subjects, which by the way never happened since the time I entered school.
Porn has also been a saviour for me on various occasions. For example during my 1st year ragging I was treated well because my seniors knew I had a good collection of porn. I wasn’t sacked from my 1st job (call-centre) in spite of the fact that I called an American chutiya over the phone, because my boss was aware of my collection.
But none of my misadventures can match my friend who made the worst decision ever. He wanted to make love to his girlfriend after watching porn. If only he knew that he wasn’t as gifted as American porn-stars, he would have saved himself the embarrassment.
Quote quote ke maaro – Men who are united by porn can never be divided by caste.
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