Stains of a dormant wound

Everything went as per my will.
It was all planned, there was no peril
My ego got the medal it needed
I won the battle, and none felt cheated
Then why the guilt, what went wrong?
When I see her with someone else, why can’t I be strong?

She stopped me, impeded me
But beyond my wrath, there was nothing I could see
Tears and words couldn’t make me kneel
But today somehow I feel, my past hasn’t healed

What was I angry about, or was it my ego?
It wasn’t her mistake but I asked her to go

I disdained her, abhorred her, which I never felt
Can’t believe it took so many years, for the rock to melt.

I know I’ll move on, I always did
But what if that’s the problem – the talent to get rid
Of my feelings, and the ones for who it was meant
Could we be together, if only I had knelt

I am not filled with tears, nor do I feel remorse
But I am tired of swimming and I want to reach my shores.