Baaton ki phooljhadi

Train wo jagah hai jahan aapki mulakat kuch anokhe praniyo se hoti hai. Train jitna zyaada ghatiya hoga, anokhapan utna hi badhta jaayega (basically, uniqueness of the characters is inversely proportional to the speed of the train). Muri Express, Dilli se Jamshedpur jaane ke liye sabse ghatiya train. Jahan Rajdhani keval satrah ghante leti hai, yeh train tees ghante leti hai.

Subah ke paanch baje meri yatra shuru hui. Do din se sharer ko neend kam sharab zyaada mili thi. Iss wajah se apna suitcase seat ke neeche lock kar ke main upper-berth par chadne laga. Tabhi atthawan number ke Jha Ji bol pade, “ Aaj ke genarasion ko to jaise deemak kha gayi hai”, phir mere taraf dekh ke bole, “kyun babua, thik bole na hum”? Humne bhi palat ke jawab diya “Ab ka kare uncle ji, aajkal deemak bhi padhne-likhne lagi hai, jiss saaman ka expiry date nazdeek ho, usey muh nahin lagati”.

Mere khopche mein chaar log the, Jha Ji, aur mere alawa do IBM ke launde the. Dono ke hrishpusht sharer dekh ke Jha Ji unhe yoga ke baare samjhaane lage. Humare shareer ne jawab de diya.

Aankhe dopahar ke ek baje khuli. Tab tak Jha Ji aur IBM ke laundo mein achchi dosti ho gayi thi. Woh kuch politics ki baatien kar rahe the. Main bhi neeche utar ke unke saath baith gaya. IBM ke launde ko jaise hi maine bataya ki main advertising mein hun, to woh bade uttejit ho gaye. Sawalon ki goli-baadi shuri hui – Prasoon Joshi Piyush Pandey ka student tha na? Idea ke ‘Bacho ki padhai’ waale ad ko award mila na? Aap sirf Airtel ke ads banate the ya Vodafone ke bhi? Kya aapko saare products free ke milte hai? Kam se kam discount to milta hi hoga? Pata nahin unhe kya maloom tha advertising ke baare. Shayad unhe IBM ka laptop free ka milta hoga. Jawab dete dete khaane aa gaya. Iss bahane kuch der tak to unn zaalimo ke muh par taala lag gaya.

Khaane ke baad maine Jha Ji se unke kaam ke baare poocha. Pata chala wo kisi government firm mein bahut uche pad par karyarat hai (Firm and designation still unknown). Achanak baaju ke khopche se chayalees number waale Poddar Ji aaye. Aate hi bole “Raja Dasharath murkh nahin the”. Jawab dene se pehle unka phone baj utha.

Jha Ji attendant se lekar pantry waaley tak, sabki maar rakhi thi, “Arey yeh kaunsi sabzi hai- Main tum logo ki shikayat kar doonga – website address hai mere paas – AC itna dheere kyun chal raha hai – latrine mein saboon khatam kyun hai.” Finally humari taraf saantwana bhari nigaho se dekh kar bole – “Bacha party, ghabrao mat, inn sabko handle karna aata hai humko”.

Poddar Ji fir entry mare. “Raja Dasarath murkh nahin the. Pata hai kyun?” Hum sab utsook hokar unki taraf dekhne lage. Tabhi unhone meri god mein padi Amitav Ghosh ki kitaab ko dekha. Mere taraf dekh ke bole, “Arey Amitav toh yehin ka ladka hai, Inki biwi German hai. Uska ghar bhi yehin hain”. ‘Yehin’ se unka tatparya Jharkhand tha ya Germany tha, samajh nahin aaya. “Arey main inke ghar gaya hun, unke ghar mein sirf German kitaabe hai”. Jha Ji ko humara vaartalaap mein khaas ruchi nahin aayi, bol pade “Arey Poddarwa oo Dasarath waala ka locha hai?” Fir Poddar Ji ka phone baj gaya.

Inke bakchodiyon se pareshan hokar sooraj bhi dhal gaya. Poddar ji wapas aaye. Aate hi unhone videsho mein Hindustaniyo par badhle zulm ki baatein kehne lagey. Unke kuch dus rishtedaaro ne apne videsh waala karobar ko bandh kar Hindustan laut aaye the. Yeh sun kar Jha Ji bol pade “Arey hum saara duniya ghooma hai, par Jamshedpur se zyaada khoobsurat shehar kahin nahin dekha, sach maano business shuru karne ke liye isse behtar jagah koi nahin hai”. Yeh baat mujhe bahut achi lagi, bhai mere sheher ki tareef ho rahi thi, mujhe kyun na acha lagta.

Ek dum se subah ka bhoola attendant ne humare khopche mein kadam rakha. AC ki thandak aur latrine ka saboon jaise mahatwapoorn maslon ko Jha Ji ne unke samne rakha. Attendant bhi kam na tha, palat ke jawab dena shuru kiya. Dono saans-bahu ke bhaati jhagadne lagey. Saans-bahu ka jhagda ho aur nanad chup rahe, aisa to Hindustan ke kisi ghar mein nahin hota. IBM ke launde bhi bol pade. Yeh sun ke baaju ke khopcho ke aur log bhi aa gaye. Aakhir mein jeet ‘Saans X11’ ki hui.

Agle din subah Poddar ji fir aaye. Fir bole “Raja Dasarath murkh nahin tha”. Iss baar unhone baat poori ki – “Unhone teen shaadiyan ki, kyunki unhe pata tha, ek se guzara nahin hota. Mere khayal se hum sab ko unse seekhna chahiye”. IBM ka ek launda bol pada – “Ye sab granth ka galat matlab kuch tharkey log apne hisaab se nikalte hai aur zindagi ke philosophy me chepne ki koshish karte hai”. Poddar Ji fir jo uth ke gaye, wapas nahin aaye.

Finally train ne Tatanagar ke platform par kadam rakha. Main chupke se bhaag ke apne driver ke paas jaa hi raha tha ki Jha Ji ne haath daboch liya. “Babua, apna number de do, tum se milkar acha laga, agli baar Dilli aaya to tumse zaroor milunga”. Dil par pathar rakh ke maine unhe apna number diya. Toorant unhone missed call maara. “Babua mera number save kar lo, koi dikkat ho to batana”.

Station se bahar aate hi meri nazar ek board par gayi – ‘Patakhe kaan ke liye haanikarak ho sakta hai. Diwali surakshit dhang se maniye’.