Uthlo bayi to Kotok (Cuttack) jayi – Part 1

It’s a proverb in Bengali which means – you plan a trip just before the ‘Scheduled Departure’.

Year 2003 – Pune

Culprits – Brandy, Bhajji, Apart, Casanova, Backstabber, CMKT, Firangi, Asshole, Bigboss (a tribute to our favourite brand of condoms) and me

The backdrop:

Our 2nd Unit Test just got over, we had booze, cards and of course a never-ending stock of ‘Faf’. As we entered the 3rd round of Booze and Bakchodi my door bell rang. It was our dear friend Asshole, who had a plan. “Let’s go to Sinhgad Fort”, he screamed. We looked at the watch - 1 am, perfect time to lose our mind.

The trip:

Vroommmm vrooooooom vrrroooooooom. That’s all our neighbours must have heard. 5 bikes set out to cruise the fuckall roads of Pune. On the way we stopped at Khadakvasla at 4 am. Ideally it should have been a 90 min drive, but thanks to the fabulous road-sense of Asshole and Backstabber, we discovered a lot more about Pune than we should have. As we were fafing on the banks, CMKT got a call he couldn’t ignore. Nature’s Call.

Q - When all you see around, is open verdant space, how do you answer nature’s call?

Ans. – Run as far as you can from eyesight.

Suddenly Asshole got a call from home, and the asshole had to leave. Now 10:5 is a good ratio. Can’t say the same for 9:4. We had to drop the idea of ‘Sunrise at Sinhgad’ and return. Now there were 3 of us sitting on Apart’s bike, Bhajji the driver, Bigboss and myself. On the way Firangi and Apart came up with a brilliant (uss waqt laga tha) idea. “Let’s go to Budhwar Peth”. For people who’ve never been to Pune, let me tell you I am talking about the red-light area of Pune. But ya it’s nothing as compared to ‘Shona Gachi’ of Kolkata (Kolkata Rocks!!!). Now, of the 9 leftover culprits 4 felt it’s a perilous idea. But 5 of us thought, it was the perfect age for such perils.

So we turned our bikes towards BP. I had never been more excited in life; actually all of us were except Bhajji who was driving a Pulsar 180 (actually it was a Pulsar 150 with a sticker of '180' on it), with his balls getting crushed against the petrol tank. Chants of ‘Budhwar Peth here I come’ and ‘Don’t worry whores the pricks are here’ filled the air. Once we entered the BP vicinity, we experienced an adrenaline rush. This time it wasn’t the BP peril, instead was created by a couple of cops who stopped us. Three people on a bike, no license, no helmets, little bit drunk, enough reasons for a night behind bars. Par jab tak dimag chalega humaari saanse chalegi.

“Kuthe” –the cop asked. “Sir Sasoon Hospital” Apart answered. One good thing Brandy did in his life was he gave me the visiting card of a highly respected Shiv Senani. I flagged it out to the cop. “This is our uncle, his son and my dear friend is admitted in the hospital.” The cops had no other choice but to let us go. With pride and alacrity in out heart we drove home and promised never to talk about that night to anyone.

5 drunk Jr. College students, caught in BP. Not one of the gossips, we’d like to be a part of.

P.S. – Sorry Bhajji, Apart, Bigboss, and Casanova.