Aapka hukum sirji, aankho par

Office ke darwaaze pe jaise hi kadam rakhte hain
Maano hum mazdooro ke naseeb ke dwaar khul jaate hain
Cabin ka darwaaza iss kadar kholte hain
Maano prakritik aapda ka nidaan ki jaldi hain

Coffee machine ki bhi aukaat nahin
Inhe nakaar sake kya wo jigar hai kahin
Canteen ke bawarchi chahe kuch bhi banaye
Jab tak sajawat hai, tab tak swadisht hai

Biwi ki khit-pit ho, ya bacho ki padhai
Inke sar chadha to samjho shamat aayi
Agar inka mizaz theek hone se pehle aapne kaam dikhaya
To samjho aapne Bhavishya ke Kaleen ko aag lagaya

Facebook karne se wo hume mana karte hai
Par office ki har ladki ko apne friend-list mein add karte hai
Apne laptop pe roz hasgulle padhte hain
Par na jaane kyon hume dikhane se itraate hain

Kaam mein tippani dene se ye peeche nahin rehte
Ye kabhi bhi apne harkato se baaz nahin aate
Ma Baba ki yaad dila dete hain
Jab dimaag moond ke bhavishya ki gyaan dete hain

Kayi baar himmat haar ke sahara talashte hain
Par lagta hai iss shaam ki na raat hain na savera hain
Ye kaisi vipda hai, ye kaisa honsla hai
Raat ke ek baje bhi jaldi ghar jaane ki ummeed hai

Aye mere Boss ke karamchariyon
Zara zameer ko tatol ke ek sawal poocho
Ye kaisi mustaqbil ka sapna liye ghar se chale ho
Jo do waqt ki roti ke chakkar mein apni bhook ko hi bhool gaye ho

My first Beer - Birth of a legend.

Pic - Firangi and I flagging out our favourite T-shirts. Below you'll notice a black thing. It's CMKT's trunk.

Q – What happens when a girl breaks a guy’s heart?

Ans – Two guys become the best of friends.

It was a winter evening of 2003. Firangi and I were sitting in our balcony, speaking about topics which didn’t make sense (about love). With our minds engulfed in dark clouds we hardly saw the next step. Amidst that mist we chanced upon a guy carrying a crate full of beer.

We looked at each other; we’ve never been so sure in our lives. We fled down the staircase. We stared at the board which read ‘ADITYA WINE AND BEER SHOP’.

We had never tried alcohol nor were too friendly with people who were fond of it. Hum to apne Maa-baap ke ache bache the. As a result we weren’t really too sure of the brand and the kind. So considering the budget and the TV ads we decided to get a ‘Haywards 5000’. Of course I decided to pay (Firangi, if you ever happen to read this note, remember I paid for your first social lubricant).

As we were about to enter, my girlfriend called. She resolved our differences. Now, wait a minute, I was about to get drunk because that’s what grown ups with broken hearts do. Now that the damage was re-paired, I had no reason. But I couldn’t leave a man behind. So I stormed into the shop and ordered for two Haywards 5000.

Initially my request was turned down, because we were under-age (we forgot about that). But then I told him that I was from Bihar and my friend was from U.P. That worked. We got the bottles to our apartment.

There was one more problem. My room-mate CMKT was the Nerdiest (MS Word says that’s not a real word) creature on the planet. He wouldn’t allow us to turn our educational abode into a bar. So, we decided to savour it before he returns. No sooner did this idea dawn upon us than the door-bell rang. CMKT was back. With a kingkartavyavimud state of mind we hid the bottles in a trunk. Little did we realise it was CMKT’s trunk.

He wanted to study (as usual), so he opened his trunk to take his books. Have you even been unfortunate enough to watch the entire episode of any Ekta Kapoor soap? You’ll sure see a scene when a particular reaction is replayed thrice, just to reiterate the strength if that particular emotion. That’s exactly what his reaction was. He lectured in a dad-like way. Like prodigal sons Firangi and I took the bottles and walked into the other bedroom.
Beer tasted like shit the first time. But we were so used to taking shit from our fate that we continued consuming it. Finally we finished our beer. We weren’t drunk but we wanted to be drunk, so we got drunk.

Piece of gyaan – Alcohol makes you brave.

Firangi and I stormed in to CMKT’s room and abused him in a way he couldn’t imagine. We scared the shit out of that poor thing. He left the room in tears.

Such was the experience; we decided to face it more times.

And that was the start of two greatest alcoholics our friends will ever know.

Jessica Lall v/s The Police Department

No points for guessing who won the battle. Facts state the answer. March 5, 2006 (6 years after she died), the entire nation came together to fight for her. Armed with nothing but hope and fourteen thousand candles. Our indomitable spirit, dedication and courage will go down in the History books and will inspire generations to fight for justice. Every news channel, newspaper and radio station covered the event.

But, every news channel, newspaper and radio station forgot the police officer who arrested Manu Sharma – the murderer. Do we know about his whereabouts? Is he dead, or is one amongst the unfortunate who live an unknown life?

Such a shame, isn’t it? On one hand we claim to fight all odds and ensure the criminal is sent for trial, on the other we forget the people who did the job for us. Why is it that we always remember the dates and threats, yet forget the people who impeded the cataclysm?

There are numerous examples to reiterate the fact, but that’s not what I am trying to achieve. Each time there is a mishap, a police officer sacrifices his life. For someone they are completely oblivious of. To honour his great deed, his family is felicitated with a cheque of Rs. 1 lakh and a 2 bedroom apartment.

Police officers don’t endorse brands, nor are invited for ‘Page 3’ parties. Sadly, they don’t even make the headlines.

We all know the significance of 15th August, 2nd October, 26th January etc., but do we know the date of Police Commemoration Day?

21st October is the date when the families of police officers (who’ve sacrificed their lives for us) celebrate Police Commemoration day.

On this day, nothing really happens. It’s not a national holiday, no celebrity performance and definitely no media coverage. Which is not to say they want it, but sparing a few minutes would do no harm either.


For once, let’s do things differently.
On 21st October let’s remember the fearless and the forgotten.

Uthlo bayi to Kotok (Cuttack) jayi – Part 2

It’s a proverb in Bengali which means – you plan a trip just before the ‘Scheduled Departure’.

Year 2004 – Bangalore – 1st year of college

Culprits: Surdy and me

Backdrop:

As usual a boring lecture. A truth of life – No matter how good you are, or what field you choose, you’ll always get a boring lecturer.

Surdy and I were attending such a lecture. It was a Monday, Diwali was 5 days away. Surdy looks at me and asks, “Abey Diwali mein ghar chale”. Usually I am very sensible and practical when it comes to answering such ravenous questions. But all I said was “Chal ticket karate hai”. We anxiously waited for the lecture to get over. Once the Ghanti rang, we stepped out.

Bus no. 283-A, the bus that goes to Bangalore station. We boarded the bus and left the college vicinity. On the way various thoughts like, “what’ll happen if we don’t get the ticket”, or “if college decides to check attendance”, lingered in our mind. But these petty thoughts can’t dampen valiant spirits. We reached the ‘Reservation Counter’.

Wish the queue on ‘Election Day’ would have been that long. It seemed, everyone was leaving for their hometown and finally Bangalorians will have their dream come true – A city free of Northies.

The man at the ticket counter was a very patient man, or may be he was glad to see a couple of educated louts. He checked for availability in a couple of trains and finally gave us the tickets for the worst train possible. Allepy-Tata express. We had to board that train from Chennai.

The connecting train was late. By the time we reached Chennai station we just had 2 minutes. Have you ever seen Shah Rukh Khan running in Karan Johar flicks, our running wasn’t the same. We ran more like Mithun Da (when there’s a bullet chasing him). By the time we reached our train our balls were in our mouth (Literal translation of – Gote muh mein aa gaye the). As we boarded the train there was some announcement, hard for us to decipher (Tamil). But, some learned man told us that our train had been postponed by 30 minutes. We were too tired to react so all that came out of our mouth was:

WHAAAAAAATDAAAFAAAAAK?

Finally our journey started and we left the malodorous station of Chennai.

The patient man at the ticket counter forgot to mention that this was a Honeymoon Train (By the way I am talking about an era when two men going for honeymoon was illegal). It stopped at every exotic location, doesn’t matter if there wasn’t a station within miles. At times it stopped for hours.
Finally after a struggle of 36 hours we reached Jamshedpur.

Did I mention earlier that this trip was supposed to be a surprise visit?

Q – What happens when you pay a surprise visit to your family?

Ans. – 60% chances are - you’ll be surprised.

As I reached home I saw what I wanted, a surprised expression on the face of Mom and Dad. But then I saw something I didn’t want to. My
not-so-close-relatives had decided to celebrate Diwali with my family as well.

Well I guess such trips are filled with excitement and adventure, but it has its disadvantages as well.

Uthlo bayi to Kotok (Cuttack) jayi – Part 1

It’s a proverb in Bengali which means – you plan a trip just before the ‘Scheduled Departure’.

Year 2003 – Pune

Culprits – Brandy, Bhajji, Apart, Casanova, Backstabber, CMKT, Firangi, Asshole, Bigboss (a tribute to our favourite brand of condoms) and me

The backdrop:

Our 2nd Unit Test just got over, we had booze, cards and of course a never-ending stock of ‘Faf’. As we entered the 3rd round of Booze and Bakchodi my door bell rang. It was our dear friend Asshole, who had a plan. “Let’s go to Sinhgad Fort”, he screamed. We looked at the watch - 1 am, perfect time to lose our mind.

The trip:

Vroommmm vrooooooom vrrroooooooom. That’s all our neighbours must have heard. 5 bikes set out to cruise the fuckall roads of Pune. On the way we stopped at Khadakvasla at 4 am. Ideally it should have been a 90 min drive, but thanks to the fabulous road-sense of Asshole and Backstabber, we discovered a lot more about Pune than we should have. As we were fafing on the banks, CMKT got a call he couldn’t ignore. Nature’s Call.

Q - When all you see around, is open verdant space, how do you answer nature’s call?

Ans. – Run as far as you can from eyesight.

Suddenly Asshole got a call from home, and the asshole had to leave. Now 10:5 is a good ratio. Can’t say the same for 9:4. We had to drop the idea of ‘Sunrise at Sinhgad’ and return. Now there were 3 of us sitting on Apart’s bike, Bhajji the driver, Bigboss and myself. On the way Firangi and Apart came up with a brilliant (uss waqt laga tha) idea. “Let’s go to Budhwar Peth”. For people who’ve never been to Pune, let me tell you I am talking about the red-light area of Pune. But ya it’s nothing as compared to ‘Shona Gachi’ of Kolkata (Kolkata Rocks!!!). Now, of the 9 leftover culprits 4 felt it’s a perilous idea. But 5 of us thought, it was the perfect age for such perils.

So we turned our bikes towards BP. I had never been more excited in life; actually all of us were except Bhajji who was driving a Pulsar 180 (actually it was a Pulsar 150 with a sticker of '180' on it), with his balls getting crushed against the petrol tank. Chants of ‘Budhwar Peth here I come’ and ‘Don’t worry whores the pricks are here’ filled the air. Once we entered the BP vicinity, we experienced an adrenaline rush. This time it wasn’t the BP peril, instead was created by a couple of cops who stopped us. Three people on a bike, no license, no helmets, little bit drunk, enough reasons for a night behind bars. Par jab tak dimag chalega humaari saanse chalegi.

“Kuthe” –the cop asked. “Sir Sasoon Hospital” Apart answered. One good thing Brandy did in his life was he gave me the visiting card of a highly respected Shiv Senani. I flagged it out to the cop. “This is our uncle, his son and my dear friend is admitted in the hospital.” The cops had no other choice but to let us go. With pride and alacrity in out heart we drove home and promised never to talk about that night to anyone.

5 drunk Jr. College students, caught in BP. Not one of the gossips, we’d like to be a part of.

P.S. – Sorry Bhajji, Apart, Bigboss, and Casanova.

Random thoughts of an I-don't-want-to-be-committed guy.

Zindagi ke niyamo ko Khuda hi jaane
Jab talash thi ek saathi ki
Koi saath na tha
Aur ab jab akelepan bhaa ne lagi
To akelapan na raha

The late night parties, the late night conversations
When nothing could demise our temptation
Was it simply a dream?
Funny but now it seems like a divine scheme

Kitna mushkil hota hai faisla lena
Ye dimaag ke kiss taar ko dil ne cheda
Kya saboot hai ki wo alag hai unn sabse
Jinn ulfato ko bhoolane ki koshish kar raha hun kabse

When destiny has administered all my decisions
Then why give me the I’ll-decide-provision
Tell me destiny, is she the answer to my prayers
Or is she no different from you angels, who left me in despair

Na yeh koi jung hai na mai koi sipahi
Jo anjaam ki parwah kiye bina jaari rakhu ye ladhai
Par mann mei kabhi kabhi ek ajeeb si chinta utpann hoti hai
Kya mera beeta hua kal har kal se bewafai karega

May be its time to move on, to forgive the past
To do things, that leaves an impression that can't be surpassed
Let’s create new moments, let’s sing new songs
Let’s forget the past, let’s go where we belong

Love cannot be created nor destroyed. It can only be forwarded from one person to another.

Damm! I didn’t do that. Never forwarded my love or affection to anyone. And here I am today, without friends, without anyone I can love. I am more than ashamed to break this news to you dear ‘Family & Friends’, that I don’t love you nor do I care for you.

A few days back I had a lot of friends and I loved my family as well. But then, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I forgot to share a sob story.

It was a Monday evening when I received an I-decide-what-you-deserve-mail in my inbox. It was a story about a couple who faced the worst hurdles one can imagine. That story broke my heart and left me in tears. As any other mortal creature I don’t keep anything that makes me sad or gloomy. So I deleted that mail. No sooner did I click ’Delete’ than a realisation dawned upon me. The last line of the mail.

“If you love someone, send this mail to 25 people, or you’ll lose everyone you love. “

Boy, how could I’ve missed that? How can I be so careless that I ignore the one mail which could have proved my love for others?

‘Friends & Family’, if you are reading this I would like to apologise for my carelessness and hope you guys forgive me for my sanity.

Or you can all delete such I-decide-what-you-deserve-mails so that none of us are left with any one we love. That would be the mark of a fresh beginning to humanity and sanity.

(picture courtesy - www.static.squidoo.com)