Sunday, June 5, 2011

Rise of the Black Swan

Chapter 1 – The Scared Princess

She cursed her fate each time the traffic lights turned green. She prayed hard. One wish – Prolong this journey. For once, she desired a bypass for her destination. But to her misfortune, her taxi zoomed past every other counterpart and in a flash she reached the dreadful hotel.

“Purity is a myth. Even the God’s didn’t posses it. The Greek Gods definitely didn’t. And when someone like the Hindu Goddess Sita possessed purity, she was put to a test. Because no one believed that she could be pure. Not even the Lord, Shri Ram. So it must been we humans, who created it to vindicate our selfish beliefs”, Nikki said to herself trying to attain mental peace.

As she stepped into the hotel her eyes met several eyes. Some had suspicion, some had curiosity, some encouraged, some impeded and some misguided. Her eyes finally chanced upon the elevator. He hands were shivering as her index finger pressed the button 9. The inside of the elevator was covered with mirrors. She looked into it, but couldn’t stare at her image for long. Shame and profanity made her hate her own reflection.

She reached the 9th floor even before she could start praying. The elevator doors opened and she stepped into the isle.

A grey carpet, a grey isle, grey walls with grey frames with grey pictures all led her to a grey door. Room number 903. She opened her clutch and took out the keys. Her hands shivered and she tried to unlock the door. CLICK.!!! The door opened.


Chapter 2 – The Stealthy Weapon

The room had candles lit all around. As she entered, the fragrance of Jasmine allured her nostrils. She loved Jasmine. And yet she was stopping herself from succumbing to its lurid odour. “Make yourself comfortable, I’ll be out in five minutes”, a male voice screamed from the bathroom. After many years her horrifying past resurfaced. A past she had concealed, even from her husband.

Three years back, on a rainy night she made sweet love to a complete stranger. It was the last day of her MBA. She was stoned and elevated to an echelon where making love seemed to be the epitome of purity. Little did she know back then, that her felony was being taped.

But today she had to make love, once more, to that guy, just to undo her past. She feared that the horror might not end today, and would resurface invariably. Which is why, she carried a knife. She quietly hid it beneath the pillow. And then she waited for him to come out of the bathroom. And while she was waiting she got undressed and wore a robe kept on the couch.

Her heart skipped a beat. The bathroom door opened.

Chapter 3 – The Evil Princess

He just had a towel wrapped around his waist. The misty images got cleared and she recognised the man. It was him. He had the perfect torso. The glow of his skin could have brightened the eyes of the Greek Gods. His eyes could have mesmerised Medusa. And even in that horrifying moment a hint of pleasure encapsulated her timorous heart.

He took off his towel, and for the first time she felt that a part of her had always compromised. In the realm of ethics, romance and rules, a part of her always remained dormant. A part too bold, yet overpowered by inhibitions.

As a little girl she grew up dreaming about a knight in shining armour. A knight who will bestow on her, the worldly pleasures. Who will protect her from all the evils. But what about the evil within her. What about the evil who does not dream. What about the evil, who needed more than something permanent. Something temporary. ‘Permanent’ will always be an unfulfilled promise, but ‘temporary’ can give you instant gratification.

He climbed the bed, and slowly he undressed her. His touch made her forget her fears, his kiss gave her a high, vodka and marijuana failed to grant.

And then, she experienced the most painful pleasure. A felony so heavenly, that it made her accept the sinner within. She was ready to evade heaven in exchange of this heavenly act. She had never experienced a pain so deep. Her sigh never screamed so loud. Her body never felt as satisfied. The princess in her never felt like a queen, ever before. This was the moment, where, her desires met reality. She wanted to prolong this. She could forfeit everything she possessed, she could forgo every other dream, and she could sacrifice her future, just to live this moment, all her life.

And like every other dream, this got over too. She came back to reality. A reality, where right and wrong was not decided by the Gods. But by us, mortals.

His eyes spoke volumes about contentment. He opened a drawer and handed over the tapes. She took the tapes willingly. Not because she wanted to undo the past, but to relive it.

As she was about to exit the room, the guy stops him and asks “How can you be too sure that I don’t have another copy of it? How do you know I won’t blackmail you again?” She stops by the door, looks him in the eye and says “I don’t. But let me tell you what I know. There is a knife beneath your pillow. I had got it here to kill you.” She smiles at him and exits the room.

She walks up to the elevator and presses the button G. She looks at herself in the mirrors inside the elevator. She stares at the reflection, like she’s staring at a stranger. She smiles and then exits the elevator.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Nazar lagg gayi

Subah se shaam tak uss ghar mein kilkaari goonjti thi
Par mere kuttiya ko mere khwabo ki nazar lagg gayi

Nazar utaarti thi Maa meri har buraayi se
Par usi nazar ko aansuon ki nazar lagg gayi

Khushi aasmaan chhooa karti thi baba ke ek khilaune se
Unhi khilauno ko mere kaamyaabi ki nazar lagg gayi

Har ek mod par badh aaye haath dosti ke
Par usi dosti ko mere humsafar ki nazar lagg gayi

Ghar se bahar bhi mehak aayi unhi rishto ki
Par unn rishto ko bhi meri manzil ki nazar lagg gayi

Abb yaad aate hai woh nukkad ke samosey cutlet
Jinki lazzat ko mere credit-card ki nazar lagg gayi

Socha thaa Maya nagri ko apni aagosh mein le lunga
Par mere bhookh ko do waqt ki nazar lagg gayi

Na jaane kyun nahin bandh hoti hai meri aankhein
Shayad mere khwabo ko ummeedo ki nazar lagg gayi

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Stains of a dormant wound

Everything went as per my will.
It was all planned, there was no peril
My ego got the medal it needed
I won the battle, and none felt cheated
Then why the guilt, what went wrong?
When I see her with someone else, why can’t I be strong?

She stopped me, impeded me
But beyond my wrath, there was nothing I could see
Tears and words couldn’t make me kneel
But today somehow I feel, my past hasn’t healed

What was I angry about, or was it my ego?
It wasn’t her mistake but I asked her to go

I disdained her, abhorred her, which I never felt
Can’t believe it took so many years, for the rock to melt.

I know I’ll move on, I always did
But what if that’s the problem – the talent to get rid
Of my feelings, and the ones for who it was meant
Could we be together, if only I had knelt

I am not filled with tears, nor do I feel remorse
But I am tired of swimming and I want to reach my shores.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Stranger in The Afterlife

She dumped me. That bitch dumped me. She just walked away after gulping 5 pegs of scotch. How could she?!? Damn her!

I walked out, sat in my car and drove. Don’t know whereto. Just drove.

Traffic didn’t seem friendly either. They welcomed me with a red light each time I entered their vicinity. Hawkers, beggars and eunuchs were all over my car. There was a couple tearing their lips apart in the car next to me. Damn them. Damn all of them.

Once I got out of their reach phone calls flowed in. “Hey mate, all well? Did you break up? She changed her status message to single.” What the fuck. Damn Facebook. That slut couldn’t wait for me to absorb the fact?!? She had to declare her victory!

I steered my car towards my apartment. My bloody phone beeped. Bloody over dramatic friends were at my place. They think I need a bloody friend. They want to hold my bloody hand while I cry. Who the fuck needs them? I turned around and I switched off my goddam cell phone. It’s the biggest threat to privacy. I had nowhere to go. By now everyone must be aware of my tragedy. And there was not a single friend who wasn’t on Facebook. Why do I have to add everyone? I cursed, cursed and cursed.

I needed to pee. I parked my car and fled to the nearest tree. On my way back I noticed a shady little bar. Did that even exist? All these days I have been travelling on this road and not once did I notice it.

As they say ‘Don’t judge a book by the cover’. The inside was even uglier. ‘The Afterlife’. Who the fuck names a bar like that. I took the nearest vacant table and waited for the waiter. A waitress snapped in front of me. I winced. “What would you like to have, sir?” Well how about some Potassium Cyanide for starters, and in case you don’t have them may be you can give me a MACHINE GUN. She stood there speechless. The first woman since evening, who actually wanted to listen to me. I cooled myself. One large JD with soda and some ice cubes.

In no time she got me my drink. I started drinking. 1 down …..2….3………..7. I don’t know was it alcohol or tears, but the world seemed hazier. I just hoped it remains like that. But another snap and the blur faded away. This time it came from another woman. Short leather skirts. Black stockings. Lipstick broader than her lips. Less skin and more make-up on the face. Perfect slut. She took the chair beside. “Can I buy you a drink”, she asked.

Now a slut will buy me a drink. Is that even professional? How does she manage her profits? While I was pondering over such logical thoughts she blurted “I am not an escort, stop staring at my breasts”. She definitely got me on that one. She continued “Just saw you tensed and thought may be you can use a friend”. What!!! Again!!! Is it written all over my face? All of a sudden the world is trying to empathize with me. I didn’t answer. She told me that she knows a better place where we can we can do the real stuff. Stuff that makes the pain go away. Stuff that erases every tragic memory.

Of course she was not a slut.

I walked out of the bar and drove wherever she took me.

The place looked similar to the drug-pedalling lanes shown in films. She asked me to wait there, while she got off the car. She was back in 5 minutes.

Park your car there and follow me”

I did just the same. I wasn’t even in a condition to think for myself. Following orders seemed an easier task.

We entered this apartment filled with bigger losers. The pretentious ones. The wannabes. She guided me to this room where everyone was doing cocaine. Initially I resisted. Weed and hash are different things. But cocaine was way out of my league. She persuaded me. “Easy remedy for broken hearts”, she said.

And there I was snorting for the first time in my life. The first round hit me so bad that I flew back as if Bruce Lee had just kicked me. But I rose. To face the kick once again.

After a few rounds my nose started bleeding. But I didn’t give up. The slut who wasn’t really a slut pulled me back. “That’s enough! You don’t want to die”, she screamed.

She pulled me to the balcony. Holy fuck, we were on the 50th floor. Or was it the 5th? But the streets definitely seemed far away. Cold breeze touched my lips. And then the warmth of her lips touched them. She was a crazy kisser. I was helpless and I surrendered to her lurid desires. I caressed her back. My hand found its way into her shirt. She had a soft body. And then from nowhere, cops came.

Their sirens were so loud that it shook the building. Aren’t cops supposed to be stealthy?

“Run, run, cops are here. Throw that stuff. Burn it.” People were screaming all around. Insanity had struck in this sane world.

She pulled me up. She buttoned her shirt and then pulled me to the terrace. There she took off the lid of the water tank and pushed me inside.

Splash!!!

To all those Chemistry teachers who go around teaching that water is tasteless – Fuck you. It tasted better than anything I had ever savoured. As I was drowning in it, it seemed I was getting elevated to a more beautiful place. A paradise. I closed my eyes and lay flat at the bottom of the tank. Speechless. Motionless.

Suddenly I just got pulled out of my paradise. Reality had struck me once again.

The cops have left. Don’t make a noise and follow me”, she whispered. I wanted to abuse her for bringing me back to reality. But I didn’t utter a word. May be it was her touch. It diminished every negative emotion.

I sat on the front seat while she took the driver’s seat. Together we just drove.

Suddenly in the middle of nowhere she took a screeching halt.

Let’s fuck! She exclaimed

Just like that”, I questioned.

How else?”

In a flash my fly got unzipped. My trousers were pulled down and I was inside her. In the middle of the night, in the middle of the street, inside my car, I was having the fuck of a lifetime. I fucked like it was the first time I was having sex. I fucked like it was the last time I was having sex.
Her soft body touched my lips. I looked up and for the first time I noticed her eyes. They were beautiful. She was beautiful. She was the best I had ever seen. She was the best who I had ever touched.

You were good” she said while she buttoned her shirt.

Then she got off the car and started walking away. I tried stopping her. Pleaded for her name, phone number, address, but she just walked away. I was hardly in a condition to stop her. I watched her shadow fade away in the dark.

Somehow I dragged myself back into my car. Turned on the ignition and started driving. To nowhere.

My hands grew lighter while my eyes became heavier. Vision was getting blurred. But somehow I just continued driving. I was feeling the vehicle was getting out of my control. The road ahead was hardly visible. And then I fell asleep.

I slept, slept, slept and slept.

And then I woke up. It was morning and I was alive. I was actually alive! I tried to start my car but failed. Then I looked at the beeping indicator. The petrol tank was empty. On a normal day I would have cursed the car and my carelessness. But today I was thankful. It saved my life.

I walked to the nearest petrol pump. On the way I switched on my cell phone. Messages started flowing in. I remembered my break-up. I logged on to Facebook and 'Liked' her relationship status. I was in a mood for forgiveness.

It was the craziest night of my life and I decided to write about it in my blog.

And then I did.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Ibadat

Tere reham-o-karam ki kya mai tareef karu
Sapne dikha ke jhagjhod deta hai
Phir veham ki kyun mai zehmat karu

Mohabbat basti hai yahan nazaaro mein
Shauq bikta hai yahan bazaaro mein

Kaid ummedo ke liye tune aasha ka dargah khola
Banjaaro se imaan ko tuney kaagaz mein tola

Har granth mein likhi hai tere naam ki qasida
Unhe padhne waalo ke naam ke sunte hai marsia

Kabhi jannat se khoobsoorat lagti yeh kainnaat hai
Par khawabo ka kya, na din hai na raat hai

Shams-o-qamar ke manid teri aagosh hai
Par teri moorat ki tarah teri aankhe bhi khamosh hai

Har nazm mein dhoonde aashiqo ne teri chhavi
Tere dard mein kabhi ghazal nikla kabhi mansavi

Har wazifa mein chupa hai naam mere yaar ka
Kabhi to fariyaad sunley iss dil-e-bimaar ka

Khwabo ko haqeeqat mein badalna hi meri justujoo hai
Jab tak aawaaz hai bas yehi meri guftugoo hai

Kyun rooth gaya tu mere ku-karmo se
Tu khuda hai to kya
Teri parchaayi bhi banti hai kaalikh se


Qasida - Prose or poem written in prase of the Almighty or an emperor
Marsia - Prose or poem writtem for someone after he/she dies
sham-o-qamar - sun and moon
wazifa - prayer
mansavi - longer form of ghazal

Inspired by Shatrughan Tripathi (Pen name - Gaafil)

Monday, January 24, 2011

Thursday, December 16, 2010

If only

A broken heart, in a damaged cart
A baggage that doesn’t leave
And all I wish with every breath
If only time could retreat

A dormant flame, a prolonged pain
Perturbs me in my sleep
She closed her eyes with a wry smile
While I slid down to defeat
The morning kiss, the awakening bliss
Gave way to departing feet
And all I wish with every breath
If only time could retreat

No unfilled promise, no darkened blemish
Could further make me weak
Whilst I trot the path endowing my thought
Well packaged in deceit
Their flowing tears their growing fears
Fuelled my winning streak
Although I wished with every breath
If only time could retreat

A thousand smiles no lonesome cry
Their social eyes could meet
With the flowing hour, demising valour
A pretentious mirage I seek
Their broken hearts reflect my thoughts
As my lonely pride just weeps
Oh how I wish with every breath
If only time could retreat

The spark of conceit went down on its knees
My shameful image did meet
And in a moment the past sneered by
And triumph faced defeat
A confused vengeance, seeking repentance
Unworthy life I’d lived
And now I wish with every breath
If only time could retreat

A broken heart, in a damaged cart
A baggage that doesn’t leave
And all I wish with every breath
If only time could retreat